Gov. Newsom: ‘We know what’s truly important here in California’

By The Babylon Bee

LOS ANGELES, CA — As the devastation spread and the death toll continued to rise with firefighters working tirelessly to contain the blazes, a suspected arsonist was arrested for allegedly attempting to use a gas blowtorch instead of an electric blowtorch to start another California wildfire.

Authorities said Juan Manuel Sierra-Leyva was apprehended trying to start a wildfire while in possession of a gas-powered blowtorch in a clear violation of California law, which stipulates that all catastrophic wildfires be started with only energy-efficient electric blowtorches.

“We only allow environmentally friendly arson in this state,” said Sgt. Pete Rodriguez of the Los Angeles Police Department. “We received reports that this suspect was out here setting fires with a gas blowtorch, which is a blatant disregard for the laws and regulations of California. We apprehended the suspect and got him off the street, which will make room for more environmentally conscious arsons using the proper tools.”

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